STRATEGIC PARENTING PRACTICE 1: Model for your kids an authentic Christian life of loving God and loving others through intentional, consistent, and practical ways.
As Christian parents, surely the greatest desire we have for our kids is that they would know and love the Lord all the days of their lives. I know that is certainly the desire of my wife and me. Emily and I dream about our kids (Levi and Lucy) being lifelong, delighted, and wholehearted followers of Jesus. And as we dream and hope for this, we recognize our God-given responsibility as their parents to be intentional in discipling them toward this end.
But what might this practically look like? Well, certainly this would include spiritual habits like praying together and leading times of family devotion. However, beyond good spiritual habits such as these, one of the best ways we can disciple our kids is by simply showing—or in other words, modeling—for them what an authentic relationship with Jesus looks like in our everyday lives.
In 1 Corinthians 11:1, Paul told the Corinthians, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” Paul encouraged the church in Corinth to follow his model of faith. He gave a similar encouragement to the Philippians in Philippians 4:9, saying, “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things.” As Christian parents, we should be intentional in giving the same encouragement to our children and then seek to live the kind of lives we hope they will imitate.
Some have said that lessons are often more easily “caught rather than taught.” I think this can also be true when it comes to discipling our children. Our children often learn far more from what they observe in us than from what they are told by us. They will listen to our words (we hope), but they will imitate our lives. For example, if we say that Jesus is our greatest treasure, but then they see us consistently prioritizing hobbies, achievements, or entertainment over Him, then our words will ring hollow.
Our kids notice what captures our attention, what stirs our emotions, and what brings us peace when difficulty comes. They see how we speak to one another, how we handle disappointment, and what brings us joy. In other words, they see whether our faith is something we just talk about on Sundays or live out every day of the week.
So how do we model for them the reality of our relationship with Jesus? Modeling an authentic relationship with the Lord certainly includes specific spiritual practices—like family devotions, participation in corporate worship, and serving in ministry—but it must also go further. We also want to model for our children the Christian life as we go, in the everyday moments of life. We want them to see that Jesus is not just a compartment of life but the very center of it. We want our kids to see that our relationship with Jesus is woven into all we do.
For example, how do we model for our kids the awareness that God is always present with us? How do we help them see that our relationship with God is not merely relegated to a particular time or place but is to be enjoyed always and everywhere, even in the seemingly mundane moments of everyday life?
One way Emily and I try to model an authentic relationship with Jesus is through the spontaneous enjoyment of God’s creation. When we go on a family walk and see birds or flowers, we admire them and make it a point to celebrate God’s creativity—the different shapes, sizes, color schemes, actions, and all the other details the Lord designed that reflect His character and beauty. We want Levi and Lucy to see that every delight in creation is meant to draw their hearts to the Giver of the gift—the Creator Himself.
Not long ago, my son Levi stepped out onto our back porch to enjoy the sunrise. On his own accord, I heard him oohing and aahing at the beautiful display, and then when he walked back inside, he said, “Dad, go out there and check out Psalm 19:1.” That thrilled me! My buddy was enjoying the glory of God being declared by the heavens! This is the kind of authentic joy in God that Emily and I hope Levi and Lucy will have all the days of their lives.
As Christian parents, we have to be intentional in letting our kids see the authenticity of our relationship with Jesus from moment to moment (not just Sundays and Wednesdays). To do this certainly means we will need to be vulnerable and open about our relationship with Jesus. It means our kids should see us pray when we’re unsure what to do. They should see us confess our sins and ask forgiveness when we fall short.
In fact, one of the most powerful modeling moments in parenting is when we lose our temper with our kids, and they then see us humble ourselves and say, “I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” Those moments, in particular, model for our children that a relationship with Jesus isn’t about pretending to have it all together but about clinging to the One who does.
At the end of the day, what we long for most is that our children would see in us a real and joyful walk with Jesus. Not perfection, but sincerity. Not just outward religion, but a genuine relationship. As we follow Christ in the ordinary moments of life—when we pray, work, laugh, repent, forgive, and worship—our kids are watching. And by God’s grace, they will see that Jesus is not just someone we talk about but Someone we treasure. Our hope and prayer is that through our imperfect example, they will come to know the perfect Savior for themselves, delight in His beauty, and live all their days walking in His love. May our homes be places where the gospel is not only spoken but seen—where our authentic faith is both taught and caught in the everyday rhythms of life with Jesus.
Dr. Benji Lavender
serves as Lakewood’s Missions Pastor. He and his wife, Emily, have two children.