Strategic Parenting Practice 5: Gather your family around the table on a consistent basis to share meals and life together.
Dawn grew up in a family where the dinner table was a central focus of the home. It is not an exaggeration to say that time at the table in the Garrett (Dawn’s family) household would extend for hours. Table time included both good food and good conversation. During the holidays, it was not uncommon to share breakfast, sit, and talk for so long that plates were cleared from the table to make way for lunch.
Her family saw food as a ministry to such an extent that they started a restaurant to do what they loved and valued. Opened in the early 90s, the Bulloch House in Warm Springs, Georgia, drew people from near and far. At Thanksgiving each year, thousands of people from Georgia, Florida, Alabama, and other states across the southeast would use the Bulloch House as the gathering place for family reunions and celebrations. Dawn’s dad and mom, Charles and Sylvia, and Aunt Judy ran the restaurant for over 20 years. The three of them used food as a platform for ministry both to their employees and to their valued customers. The three unintentionally became mentors, counselors, confidants, financial advisors, and much more to untold individuals. In essence, they were Jesus with skin on for people in need. Food was simply the method for the ministry and the mission.
From day one of our life together, time around the table has always played a central role in the Smith household. At the table we were afforded the opportunity to catch up with one another after a long day. We were able to share the highs and lows of the day. As children came along, the table was the place we were able to teach manners (“please” and “thank you” – our kids were raised in the Barney generation!).
I firmly believe the table is one of the best places in the home for discipleship to take place. Ephesians 6:4 instructs fathers to “not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The table is a great place for open, candid, and safe conversations. It’s the place where children should be able to ask any question they may have about life – and have those questions answered.
At our table we have discussed worldviews, human sexuality, finances, politics, social and cultural issues and much more. No topic is off limits. The table is a safe space.
We’ve used the table now for nearly 4 decades as a means to connect and grow with one another. Sitting elbow to elbow in close proximity allowed us to experience the issues of life together and remind one another of the truths of scripture in the midst of these issues.
PAUSE AND PONDER: What place did the dinner table serve in your family growing up? What meaning do you place on the dinner table today?
If you read through the Gospel of Mark, you will notice that Jesus, too, valued the table. He saw it not only as a place to meet the physical need for sustenance, but even more so, a place for meeting the more pressing spiritual needs.
For instance, in Mark 2:15-17, Jesus reclined at the table with Levi, a Jewish man who collected taxes for the Romans and thus a person who was despised within the Jewish community. Jesus joined Levi and many of his tax-gathering friends, along with other social outcasts. This did not sit well with the religious leaders. Afterall, “Didn’t he know with whom he was eating?” Yet, Jesus knew what was most important. These folks, if anyone, were most in need of the gospel (2:17).
Consider also Mark 14:3-9. Once again, Jesus was in the home of and reclining at the table with an outcast from society, a leper. During the meal, Mary of Bethany (John 12:3) interrupted their feasting to pour an alabaster vial of perfume, which was worth about a year’s salary for a rural worker, over the head of Jesus. This action foreshadowed his impending death.
On the next night, a Thursday, Mark 14:12-21 records that Jesus and his disciples made their way to the upper room for what would prove to be Jesus’s last supper before his crucifixion. He prophesied that Judas Iscariot would betray him.
Shortly after this, Jesus instituted the Lord’s Supper (Mark 14:22-25). He broke bread that symbolized his broken body and took the common cup that symbolized the new covenant ushered in by the shedding of his blood.
PAUSE AND PONDER: From these accounts, what did you notice about Jesus and the table?
Anytime Jesus reclined to share a meal with others, something significant happened. His presence at the table was transformative. Sharing meals together has since become formative within the church. From its earliest founding, the early church went from house to house, taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart (Acts 2:46). There is a communal element to sharing a meal that is especially meaningful.
A meal that has been forever etched in my memory happened in the fall of 2001. Ben and Betsy Williams, Mike and Pam Witherspoon, Dawn, and I were gathered at the house of Scott and Molly Legg. We four couples had a yearning for more intentional discipleship and more intimate relationships. As a result, we gathered together to experiment with what eventually came to be known as 3-D (Dinner, Dialogue, and Discipleship based on Acts 2:42).
After dinner, I posed a question to the group that has shaped the way I now start most any new gathering of people. The question was simply, “Why are you here?” Tears are welling up within me even now as I write this. I can still see each of their faces and hear their voices as we went around the table and they shared from the depths of their hearts their longings to be more like Christ, hungering to “do life” a bit more intentionally with others, an innate need to be connected to the Body of Christ, and a desire to raise their children in community with others. Needless to say, from that night forward, I have seen the inextricable power of the table when it is motivated by the power of the gospel.
You see, at the table we are in close proximity to one another. Conversations tend to be centralized and focused. We see each other eye to eye. We are there to care for and comfort one another in times of trial. We can literally reach out and touch one another as we pray for one another and bear each other’s burdens. It is hard to explain, but it is completely understandable once you have experienced it.
Because of this, as we began forming our community groups, we encouraged our groups not to be larger than eight to ten people. We found that regardless of the home size, most people’s tables could not seat more than eight to ten people. We felt it was greatly important for us all to be together.
Even after meals, we encouraged groups to stay at the table. You can imagine, this was met with resistance, but it was intended not to punish groups but to help groups be more intentional and strategic. We found that just like our Sunday School group gathering at our house in the early 90s, the comfort and spaciousness of a living room can, especially after a great meal, lead to sleepiness, disjointed conversations, and physical distance. None of this tends to lend itself to a great group experience.
As our group ministry has grown through the years, and some of our community groups are now larger than ten people, it is not always possible to stay at the table. Even so, it is still highly encouraged.
One of the unintended consequences of sharing a meal together is that individuals get to learn and practice how to provide hospitality to others (1 Peter 4:9). In our fast-paced, fast-food world, the art of preparing a meal and creating an in-home environment conducive to building biblical community is a lost art.
Breaking bread together while devoting ourselves to the gospel of Jesus is a powerful means of making disciples of Jesus. This is a habit of grace we encourage you to incorporate into your life and family as you seek to follow the King.
Scott Smith
serves as Lakewood’s Discipleship Pastor. He and his wife, Dawn, have a son, two daughters and six grandchildren.