Strategic Parenting Practice 4: Create lasting memories with your kids to remind them of your love and God’s love.
Take Care, Lest You Forget
In the book of Deuteronomy, we encounter a repeated double-command: “remember (don’t forget!) and take care.” For instance, Deuteronomy 6:12 says, “take care lest you forget the LORD, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.” Again in Deuteronomy 8, Moses reminds the Israelites, “Take care lest you forget the LORD your God… who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, who led you through the great and terrifying wilderness” (Deut. 8:11, 14–15).
Yet this command is not limited to the book of Deuteronomy. The Psalmist, recalling Israel’s idolatrous construction of the golden calf (see Exodus 32) lamented, “They forgot God, their savior” (Ps. 106:21). According to the prophet Isaiah, the ancient city of Damascus was destroyed by an Assyrian invasion because “you have forgotten the God of your salvation and have not remembered the Rock of your refuge” (Isa. 17:10). We could go on.
Memory is clearly a fundamental component of anyone’s relationship with God. Yet it is also a vital part of one’s relationship with others, especially their parents. So, when your kids are grown and living outside of your home, what will they remember? Better yet, what should we encourage our children, much like biblical authors encourage the people of God, to “not forget” when the inevitable difficulties of life come crashing in on them?
Events
Our children need to remember specific, formative events – shared experiences – from their childhood. They need to remember moments when they held your full attention and experienced your care and delight in them. This could be as simple as seeing you celebrate a good grade they made on a tough test, sharing an unforgettable belly-laugh with you, or hearing you loudly cheer them on as they learn how to ride a bike.
My mother was always “that parent” at my high school basketball games. Every time I scored a basket or dove for a loose ball on the floor, the first thing I heard was my mom screaming from the stands. One time, she even got so upset at a referee’s bad call that she was asked to leave the gym! Rather than embarrassing me, my mom’s attention and enthusiasm at my basketball games reminded me of how much she loved and delighted in me. It reminded me that I had her full, undivided attention. To this day, my family will still poke fun at my mom for how crazy she could get at my games, and I love it! Those shared experiences are some of the sweetest memories I have.
So, parents: intentionally create these experiences with your kids (they will not happen by accident)! One vital way of doing this, like my mom at my basketball games, is to be fully present with them. Whether you’re on vacation, at a sporting event, or sitting around the dinner table, core memories are created by your children knowing that they hold (and are worthy of) your full attention. Additionally, on a more practical note, after you make these experiences, remember them out loud to your children by retelling the stories or hanging pictures of these shared experiences around your home.
Truth
Kids also need to be reminded, over and over again, about the truth. If we don’t hesitate to remind them (perhaps dozens of times) to do their chores or finish their homework, then how much more should we be encouraging them not to forget what is ultimately true about the world we live in? In the section below, I will discuss the reminders our kids need about who they are. But here, I want to focus on reminding them about fundamental truths concerning God and the world around us.
Every day, maybe during times of prayer or while riding in the car, our children need to
hear the truth about the most foundational reality of our universe: God. They need to be reminded that God is good, that He is trustworthy, and that He is always with His people. One of my favorite pastors/theologians, Dr. Ray Ortlund, once said that his ultimate goal as a parent was to make God the most present and significant reality in his home. He did this, quite simply, by talking about God at every opportunity. I imagine him saying things like, “Man, isn’t God amazing? Can you believe how mysterious and glorious He is? I’m so glad that God runs the world, and not us!” It ought to be normal that our kids regularly have their attention brought back to who God is.
Yet children also need to be reminded about our world: that it is both beautiful and
broken, both good, yet often untrustworthy. The world we live in – especially the American West – regularly makes truth claims that are contrary to biblical teaching. We are inundated with messages about “following our hearts” and leaving behind Christian values in order to “get with the times.” Yet if we are to raise children whose faith survives when they leave our homes, we must consistently, soberly, and compassionately counter these cultural falsehoods by teaching them what the One who made our world says about our world.
Identity
Finally, children need to have the truth about who they really are fixed firmly in their minds. We as adults know all too well that thousands of interactions and experiences we encounter throughout life will make us doubt our true identity. Like ships tossed to and fro by the waves of the ocean, all of us will be tempted to forget who we are. Yet we can remind our kids who they really are by instilling in them this all-important belief: our identity is not determined by our feelings, our friends, or our experiences. Who we really are is not based on any accomplishment, talent, or failure. Rather, our identity comes solely from the God who decided to give us existence in the first place. The one who made us tells us who we really are, and nothing else. Therefore, one of the foundational responsibilities of parents is to remind our kids that God authoritatively declares that they are created very good (Gen. 1:31), fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14), and, for those who trust in Christ, the children of God (John 1:12).
Dylan Evans
serves as Lakewood’s Student Pastor. He and his wife, Ariana, have two sons.