True Life Hang-ups

“Hi, I’m a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with homosexuality and codependency."

Q: What was your life like before recovery?
“Before recovery, I identified myself by my sexuality. I identified myself as a lesbian who lived as a homosexual woman, and I also was a master manipulator and user of people. I found that I used people, and even after I left homosexuality, I used people to make life like I wanted it.

Q: What is your life like now?
“Since I’ve been in recovery, I’ve had two big things. One is that I’ve been able to realize more and more that God is a good God. I gave up a lot to follow Him, and it’s taken me awhile to learn to trust Him again. I feel like everyday, as I live through my recovery, I learn that more and more. The second thing I’ve learned is that I can trust the Holy Spirit’s voice within me. I questioned that a lot, and since I’ve been able to label my character defects through the12-step program, I feel like I hear the Holy Spirit nudge me when I’m living into the character defects that are opposite from the way God would have me life. Now I’m able to hear His voice and His nudge and change my actions or apologize for what I’ve already done.”

Q: How have you seen Jesus in your recovery?
“At the beginning of my recovery, Jesus was my forgiver. He took the life that I had lived and who I had become and showed me that I’m still His, and He forgave me. That took me a process of about a year to figure out and see that. But I did, and that became a turning point for me, and that’s where He started redeeming my life because it became a place where He started squelching the homosexual tendencies within me and started raising up a desire for a heterosexual relationship.That led me to a desire to be married and to live into a family situation where I was able to be a nurturer. I really believe that God made me to be a nurturer,and that was something that I had squelched as I followed my own stuff in life. In that, I’ve now come to believe that I’m a daughter of the King, and that is my identity. That’s how He’s redeemed me.

Q: What would you say to a newcomer?
“The first thing is, ‘Trust the process!’ Celebrate Recovery is a place that’s safe, a place that’s time-tested, and it’s a great place to feel like you belong.That’s definitely what I’ve gotten out of it – I belong in the body of Christ. It’s a place where I can process my pain in the safety of a community.”