Basic Small Group Interaction

·          Listening:

Listening is hard work. If you’re not listening hard, you communicate that you don’t care and you can’t help.

                Do not interrupt another person with your voice, your body movement, your eyes, your gesture, or your lack of concentration.

                Do not interrupt mentally. Do not plan what you are going to say when the speaker is finished. Listen.

                Listen to intent as well as content. The deepest level of communication is nonverbal. Understand what’s being felt as well as spoken. Hear every nuance of tone, meaning, accent, body movement, posture and eye contact.

·          Speaking

Be personal. Use the first person singular—“I.”

                Don’t preach! Preachy words are: we, should, ought, everyone, all Christians, no (real) Christian, all, no one, all of us, everybody.

                Talk unpretentiously, on a level of your own personal experience. Don’t substitute theories, sermons, great books, or long passages of Scripture (unless they have helped you personally).

                Talk about “what,” not “why.” Don’t probe. Unless you are a psychotherapist, leave the analysis to someone else. Point to what you see or feel in the here and now.

·          Personal Sharing

Be as honest about where you are not in the Christian life as where you are. Let the other person know that it’s okay for him or her to struggle, to be human, to fail, and to be vulnerable.

                You are “Exhibit A” that God can work in anyone’s life, that He has an investment in frail humanity, and that He can change people. Don’t worry; you won’t make God look bad. And remember, you have yet to walk on water!

                Avoid giving advice. Even if you are asked, give advice only as a last resort. The secret is to help people find their own answers. Share your common identity if you have had a similar problem.

·          Dealing with pain

Always acknowledge when another person is hurting. Never ignore crying or make excuses for it, and don’t allow the group to do it either. Show that you care—you do not always need to speak to do this. Touch an arm or shoulder, hug him or her (if you are free enough), take a hand, lend a handkerchief. Verbally or silently, pray for him or her on the spot. You may feel led to ask, “How can I (we) pray right now? …. Help you?.... Support you?”

·          Making Promises

Make specific promises and covenants: “Bob, I promise you that….” “Bob, I covenant with you….”

                Do not require others to promise you anything unless they really want to. You may, of course enlist their help, support, and prayers. The great relationships of life between God and people, and between people and people, are sealed with promises.

--From an unpublished pamphlet, Enabling a Small Group, Bel Air Presbyterian Church, Los Angeles, California. Used by permission